I'll have no income whatsoever, no routine, security, structure.
|Supping a beer with some good friends|
Festivals have become an integral part of 'Summer' for me and I can only titillate with my appetite as to where we may go next year whilst we are on mainland Europe.
|Kerry and I at Global Gathering|
Two senior technicians at work have both taken particular interest in my plans. They are men to be respected. Knowledgeable beyond belief and those sort of people that you know would make a good Dad. Always guiding, steering but never pushing. There's a poignant question that they keep asking me independently of each other.
'There's no chance of you waiting another year then?'Whilst the travelling seed was planted a few years ago, a change at work definitely pushed me to make the final decision. Now, however, that change seems to not apply anymore. I'm enjoying my job again and it's a damn good job. I'm too committed in myself to stay though. Travel is something that I need to do and definitely in the very near future.
Still, for these wise men to ask the question, makes me take a step back.
A good friend of ours, Dave 'Rave' of 'No Fixed Abode', left for his perpetual globe trekking trip last week. His first stop being a hot target of mine, India. We celebrated with a typically English curry and I don't think anyone can remember getting home after drinking the town dry. It was an obviously emotional meal for Dave and it made me think about the enormity of the situation he (and soon I) would be facing.
All these emotions and thoughts seemed to finally rise in to a huge cacophonic crescendo last night. I had cooked a mushroom risotto and had a few glasses of wine with Dad before going to my room. Kerry was on her first night shift and I sat on the edge of my bed not knowing what to do. Thoughts running through my head like stampeding wildebeest through a savanna. Doubt, fear, worry all culminating in a 20 minute blubbering mess.
I lay on my bed crying. I don't cry much ... if ever really. Not since Marley and Me came out I don't think! But now I was crying, really really crying. All because I was scared. I was thinking of what it would be like to not nipple cripple my Dad whenever I got home. Not to wind up my Mum on controversial subjects until she gives up with a hug. Not to reminisce with my beautiful friends about adventures we'd been on, mistakes we'd made, laughs we'd shared.
I wonder how I'm going to cope. Not being able to do normal things. Not being able to ring my mate up for a pint. Not being able to confide in my Mum. Not being able to ask advise.
These are all things to overcome I guess. Mainly fear ... lots of fear ... It should come ... But its difficult.
(PS. Don't take the mick cos I'm a pissy girl!)
Ever been scared? Like really scared? Leave a comment below