Wednesday, 1 August 2012

A mini pre-travel freakout...

In 3 months, to this day, I won't have a job...

I'll have no income whatsoever, no routine, security, structure.

Supping a beer with some good friends
Kerry and I got back from Global Gathering dance festival on Sunday. Out of the four times we've been this was easily the best. A combination of good, hot weather, friends new and old, along with (in my opinion) the best line-up of artists made it one to cherish in the memory bank for years to come.

Festivals have become an integral part of 'Summer' for me and I can only titillate with my appetite as to where we may go next year whilst we are on mainland Europe.
Kerry and I at Global Gathering

Two senior technicians at work have both taken particular interest in my plans. They are men to be respected. Knowledgeable beyond belief and those sort of people that you know would make a good Dad. Always guiding, steering but never pushing. There's a poignant question that they keep asking me independently of each other.
'There's no chance of you waiting another year then?'
Whilst the travelling seed was planted a few years ago, a change at work definitely pushed me to make the final decision. Now, however, that change seems to not apply anymore. I'm enjoying my job again and it's a damn good job. I'm too committed in myself to stay though. Travel is something that I need to do and definitely in the very near future.

Still, for these wise men to ask the question, makes me take a step back.

A good friend of ours, Dave 'Rave' of 'No Fixed Abode', left for his perpetual globe trekking trip last week. His first stop being a hot target of mine, India. We celebrated with a typically English curry and I don't think anyone can remember getting home after drinking the town dry. It was an obviously emotional meal for Dave and it made me think about the enormity of the situation he (and soon I) would be facing.

All these emotions and thoughts seemed to finally rise in to a huge cacophonic crescendo last night. I had cooked a mushroom risotto and had a few glasses of wine with Dad before going to my room. Kerry was on her first night shift and I sat on the edge of my bed not knowing what to do. Thoughts running through my head like stampeding wildebeest through a savanna. Doubt, fear, worry all culminating in a 20 minute blubbering mess.

I lay on my bed crying. I don't cry much ... if ever really. Not since Marley and Me came out I don't think! But now I was crying, really really crying. All because I was scared. I was thinking of what it would be like to not nipple cripple my Dad whenever I got home. Not to wind up my Mum on controversial subjects until she gives up with a hug. Not to reminisce with my beautiful friends about adventures we'd been on, mistakes we'd made, laughs we'd shared.

I wonder how I'm going to cope. Not being able to do normal things. Not being able to ring my mate up for a pint. Not being able to confide in my Mum. Not being able to ask advise.

These are all things to overcome I guess. Mainly fear ... lots of fear ... It should come ... But its difficult.

(PS. Don't take the mick cos I'm a pissy girl!)

Ever been scared? Like really scared? Leave a comment below


  1. You cried at Marley & Me?...
    Lol :-P
    On a serious note, it sounds like you cried because the severity/reality of the situation finally dawned on you.
    You cried because you cared! You really really care about this.
    But you will be happy once you're gone :-)
    It's just the build up that's really scary!
    Have I been scared, really really scared?
    When I saw a ghost - yep! I thought I was going to die. Seriously!!! I thought it was the end of me.
    Don't laugh!

  2. You'll make new friends to have a pint with, and there's always going to be a way to contact your mum. And if nothing else, Kerry will be there so you can be scared together haha! Fear has an amazing effect because I've found a lot of it is preemptive and actually, when you're in the situation you were so scared of you'll wonder why you were so worried.
    You're gonna have a wicked time and I'll be very jealous! :)

  3. A good cry is allowed in the life old sport of finding the greener grass - and I have a feeling you are gonna be the one to finally find it.

    Fear nothing.
    Embrace your courage.
    Jump into the future.