Aquaventure, Burj Khalifa and the rest of Dubai... (Video)

How do you describe Dubai to someone that's never been to Dubai?

That is the question I simply cannot answer.... yet I'll try and convey some sort of semblance from my visit here.

Take everything you know and inject a healthy dose of steroids in to it. Actually that's it, I've just nailed it! Everything on steroids. Shoppings centres, motorways, cars, leisure activities, night clubs... the lot. 

The city boasts a myriad of Guiness World Records as its accolades. Most of which are easily viewable, including the worlds largest airport that we flew in to. The Worlds Largest Shopping Mall sits in the middle of town. The Dubai Mall was on our list of must visits. It's the largest mall in terms of floorspace, and is host to absolutely every shop and fashion label you can think of. But it was the other attractions that really caught my attention. For instance this huge dinosaur skeleton was just mooching about in one of the many vaulted atriums. In another was an equally big cascading waterfall with stainless steal sculptures diving downward.

However the most bizarre thing about the Mall is most evident from the outside. A large tubular shape sticks straight out of the mall, reaching skyward at an angle. Initially I didn't have a clue what it was until I remembered that here, in the middle of a desert, was a 1312 foot long indoor ski slope!

After meandering around the American Eagle store for some pants and numerous big label sports shops for some running shoes for my Sister we headed to the bottom of the slope for dinner in the Cheesecake Factory. 

After spending so much time in the Alps snowboarding, and not in an indoor ski slope in the desert, it was very amusing to see Arabs gliding expertly down the slope. It was funny seeing their classic arabic dress, the Thawb, trailing behind them like some sort of superman cape. I was itching to have a go and warm up for the coming winter season, but running a little lean on dough decided I'd save it for a more affluent time.

Drinking in Dubai is somewhat of a complex affair. It's illegal to drink, or be under the influence of alcohol on the street. Non-Muslim, foreign nationals can obtain a 'license to drink' (Not sure if this is only for Martinis, shaken and not stirred) which they must carry and then enables them to drink in specially licensed places, normally hotels, restaurants etc.

This rule applies to everyone, including tourists, however it's not strictly enforced. The hotels do not sell licenses, neither does the airport, but there have been stories where the police have been called to a kerfuffel in a hotel bar and then used this lack of 'license to drink' to book foreign tourists. So the advice is to not be openly drunk on the street and to avoid any interaction with police if you are.

So we set out to Barasti Beach bar after a few warm up drinks in the hotel. It is located at the end of the palm just as the trunk meets the shore, on the south side. A perimeter fence welcomes you as the bouncers check your credentials and either lets you in or not. Inside is a fairly upmarket far, restaurant, dance floor arrangement. There was a band playing on a small stage, disco lights and some comfy leather sofas and pouffes dotted around which we plotted on after getting a Belgian beer at the bar.

The spectacular backdrop of the Dubai skyline and the large stage on the beach really set this venue off. The high rise buildings are magically perched meters away from the sea, Barasti beach bar nestled in between. After a nice meal the music started down on the beach.

The beach was devoid of anyone dancing so I made it my mission to get it started! My Sister, Ellie, joined me and after a while so did a few other patrons. I was prancing about like the usual vaguely drunk Adam dancing to music.

I asked one girl where she was from. "Russia!" she replied, throwing her hands up and mimicking my silly British dancing. Throughout the night we'd have a little boogy and shout "Mother Russia!" while laughing hystericaly, I don't think she knew any much more English. I made weird connections where guys would ask me to get such and such a girl up to dance so they could hit on them. I obliged, pulling sullen looking ladies off of the leather pouffes and getting a macarana circle going. It was absolutely brilliant.

Until a big hefty bouncer came over and tapped me on the shoulder. Within an instant my Dad appeared at my side, he'd been dancing on the side lines but was suddenly in the thick of it. I went to the edge of the dance floor where the bouncer had been standing before coming in to the foray. He moved his head next to mine and half whispered, half shouted over the music... "When the next drop comes can you drag me in as well?!" It was so funny. I grabbed his big bulk and got him trying slut drops, on a beach, in Dubai. The whole evening was brilliant.

Some of the more conservative blokes didn't like my antics, but all I had to do was turn around and give a thumbs up to Mr Lithuania (as I'd nicknamed him) who was the biggest guy in the party. He returned the thumb and carried on dancing with his new lady.

So for a place regarded as strict on drinking, I managed four very hungover mornings after very good nights.

The Aquaventure waterpark was attached to the hotel we were staying in. It was really well put together with a lazy river circumnavigating it like a mini highway. Some of the rides were pretty daunting, including some very long straight chutes, one in particular that shot you through a tunnel surrounded with sharks!

The best by far was Poseidons Revenge. I'm not very good at heights and hate suspense so this was a real challenge for me. You basically climbed in to a perspex capsule that shut around you and waited patiently for the floor to literally drop away from you, sending you plunging to an unknown watery fate. I mastered it the first time but each time after that was just as scary as the apprehension of when the floor was going to disappear was a bigger scare than then actual water slide!

Next stop was the tallest building in the world, the Burj Khalifa, sitting next to the Dubai mall and with some impressive fountains in a man made lake at its base. Over 800 metres high it is pretty massive. It even contrasts hugely against all of the other high rise buildings spread generously over Dubai.

Dubai is a mad mad place. It's a lot more Westernised than Jeddah, and consequently can feel a little less raw and more touristy, but its sheer opulence and extravagances are something to be experienced. The mix of all cultures remind me of a shipping terminal from a Star Wars film. If diversity isn't your thing you'll hate this place. But I love change, difference and try to be as open as I can about most things so I absolutely loved it!

Checkout the video I produced from my trip to the Middle East here

Arriving at the Atlantis on the Palm, Dubai...

Arriving in Dubai and The Atlantis on the Palm

It's only a short flight from Jeddah across Saudi to Dubai in the United Arab Emirates, just over 2 hours, but Saudia Airlines managed to fit in a full on gourmet meal, newspapers and tea and coffee. Their in flight entertainment was also very comprehensive with a touch screen to scroll through what seemed like thousands of categories each with a plethora of multicultural choices.

Being the inquisitive soul I am I went straight for the most unusual (obviously not here) category, Islam... Inside was about 50 films to watch, some of them in Arabic, some in Arabic with subtitles and some that were English speaking. I clicked through and started to watch a couple of the English ones. They all took on the same format, interviewing Western people who had converted to Islam, moved to Saudi or Qatar or another Gulf state and started living their lives with the Qua'ran at the heart of the family. 

The films gave some impressive facts about the good Muslims do throughout the world. I learnt about the Hajj, a once in a lifetime pilgrimage to Mecca in Saudi Arabia where a number of rituals are performed including spending 24 hours out in the desert as well as walking around, between and under religious landmarks. Some 3 million people are expected in the city over just a couple of weeks each year. Most interestingly of all is a pillar of Islam called Zakat.

From what I could gather Zakat is a sort of moral obligation to other Muslims. Should their financial situation permit, people who follow Islam have to donate a portion of their wealth to charitable causes. My Dad had experienced this living in Jeddah. He is friends with a Philippino woman who also lives on his compound. She has a modest wage working as a hotel chamber maid, however, she still finds enough money to contribute towards a young boy's education. 

The total monetry value given to charitable causes from Muslims following Zakat all around the world is reported to be 15 times that of similar contributions made by governmental organisations. 15 times! 

All of the videos took on the same tact towards the end... that guy in the middle of town screaming about the importance of this religion or that religion and that you should condemn your sins and follow this book or that book. I soon turned the TV over to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles...

Mid way through the flight I noticed a lot less of the ladies were wearing abaya's (The compulsory  dress for women in public throughout the more strict Muslim lands) and instead were coming out of the toilet dripping in diamonds, wearing high class fashion and smelling divine every time they walked past me. Whilst Dubai and the United Arab Emirates is a Muslim state, there is a lot more lenience in upholding the customs. The abaya seems an oppressive dress code to me, but underneath, Arabic women really are beautiful.

We landed at the airport and was greeted by a Mercedes Limousine with enough electronics in it to go to space. If you could move it, it had a button to do it for you, window blinds, separate sun roofs, chilled cup holders with complimentary water. Every crevice in the door cards had a thin line of blue LEDs that stretched out to the foot wells. To adjust my seat I had no less than 8 different axis points to tweak so I was as comfy as comfy can be. I noticed a small orange triangle in the wing mirrors, but only at certain times. I asked the driver and he showed me, if he was in the right hand lane of the 6 lane motorway we were on and indicated left to change lane but there was a car in his blind spot it lit up the triangle. Then he asked me to put my hand on the steering wheel and as he started to turn, with the car still in the blind spot, the steering wheel vibrated to further tell him he was about to cave in a bright yellow Lamborghini. I drive a Ford Transit most of the time... I've put LEDs in that flash multicolours until you start to spin out or get a headache.

Our destination was even more lavish than this car. It took around 40 minutes driving parallel to the coast through downtown Dubai. Every building seemed to have at least 20 floors, and they were the small ones. It was all too much to take in really as the driver and my Dad were pointing out places of importance. I was transfixed by the funny shape the sat nav was telling us to drive on to. The Palm. 

The Palm is a totally man made land mass jutting out in to the Gulf sea on the Dubai coast. Dubai's fairly recent push to grab tourists, and the money they bring, is for a very good reason. Once rich in oil reserves that made Dubai what it is today, an oasis of wealth and pleasure in an arid desert, oil only accounts for 7% of the countries GDP today compared to over 80% 20 years ago. The booming tourism industry has stepped in and taken up the mantle of the oil fields. 

But tourists like beaches, and Dubai only had a modest 72 km of coast line. So the simple answer was to build more coast, out at sea. The construction takes advantage of the shape of a palm tree which adds an incredible amount of coast line compared to any other shape. And so it was set about, to build another 56 km of coast line in the shape of a palm tree. There is a very interesting documentary on Youtube you can check out here. It basically means battling mother nature for the rest of eternity as it tries to erode it away. And the Arabs have more plans for palm, earth and claw shaped manmade coastline islands that will give a total of over 1500 km of coastline!

So the Atlantis on the Palm, the shining jewel sitting 5 miles out to sea at the very top of the Palm is a hotel that's 2 km long, has 20 restaurants, 2000 odd rooms and 4000 members of staff. The aquarium puts the great barrier reef, let alone the Sea Life Centre, to shame. I have never experienced (and bet I never will) a more lavish place in my life. As we pulled in to the covered driveway each door was opened by a member of the concierge waiting patiently. We were welcomed in to the entrance lobby that plays host to a 15 metre high sculpture made out of individual pieces of Molino glass. We were ushered in to private concierge room to check in where the kind far eastern looking woman basically told us you can have whatever you want, just pick up the phone in your room, helicopter rides, boats to the Gold markets, jet skis and rental, by the hour or the day, of any of the 6 supercars parked prominently out the front. 

I was completely gobsmacked. It was a barrage to the senses. The opulence of the place, the people, everything. A middle eastern toilet attendant even handed me my personal towel to dry my hands after having a piss. Dad mentioned that he wasn't just in the toilet to hand out towels. You really can get whatever you want here... Whatever floats your boat!

We were shown to our room, which is used in the loosest possible way, as this place was not a hotel room but a full executive suite with all amenities. The bathroom was something to write home about (haha get it?) and had a massive roll top jacuzzi bath in the middle of the room straddled by his and hers sink areas all clad in bright marble. The living space in my van was dwarfed by this bathroom alone!

The view from the balcony was epic. Sat at the top most part of the Palm looking back towards the skyline of Dubai. And it was a comfortable 26 degrees in November.

We were told that we had access to the executive lounge where we would find soft drinks, teas and coffees as well as a range of alcoholic beverages. Well as soon as we were settled in we headed straight for the lounge and enjoyed unlimited mojitos, sex on the beaches, numerous whiskeys, beers and an array of bits to eat including sushi, smoked salmon entrées, onion bhajis, and exotic salad bowls. Then I spotted a mysterious wooden case sat on the side like something out of Jumanji. The cigar box! Containing 10 or so different cigars of all sizes. How tempting! But I was with my Dad and stuck with a couple of packs of Marlboroughs. 

At first I didn't know how to conduct myself. When I fly I try and just have hand luggage. I've managed to get it down to an art. One 20l rucksack from Tescos can fit enough for me to survive comfortably for an indefinite amount of time, as long as the climate doesn't change dramatically and I can wash my clothes somehow. So I'm stood in a hotel where every door is opened for you, the people walking around look like bronzed James Bonds and Miss Moneypennies and you can spend £3,000 on a cigar from a Jumanji box. All whilst I'm wearing my best 5 year old chequed F & F short sleeved shirt and a pair of stained khaki shorts with more holes than a bowling ball. And I'm so appreciative of everything. I thank the guy who calls us the lift profusely even though all he did was hit the button. I thank the Indian guys who clean our room every day. I've been him, I've cleaned toothpaste off of a guests mirror every day, I've scrubbed the toilets clean only to come back 20 minutes later to find soggy loo roll all over the floor. But no one else does. Everyone holds themselves with an air of … I don't know... arrogance? Sophistication? Suave? It's difficult for me to tell... I say my thank you's anyway.